Young Writers Society

I liked the poem, even though it probably was extremely clichéd, etc., etc. Why? Because it reminded me of my childhood. You see, when I was little, I thought that I would never ever get hurt from roses because my saint's name is Rose.



No, but I did like it. It probably won't be a lasting poem in my mind (though I couldn't be sure now) but it was a very enjoyable read.

I say work on it a bit, and you shall have a terrific piece of poetry! =D>

It sings like a hymn
Growls like a beast
Warm as the sun
Dark as the night

Some of it seems a little awkward and run-on but I really do love the last stanza.

Yes, rather cliche, but there were a couple really lovely phrases and images. Maybe you could kind of filter out the unoriginal parts and work with the better bits?

I usually don't use that evil, overused word...but I have to. AH! Cliche. But, like always, I cover up for the poet. We can't help it - it's not like it's horrible corny. After all, cliche's are overused because, frankly, they're so damn good. So I think you have an fair-sized vocabulary and provide graceful images...so...good.

Thank you -- though cliche, I'm glad it is a solid poem in a different sense.

And thanks for setting it up stanza by stanza, because it does help me get a better sense of what I should tweak and change. I especially agree with what you mentioned about the rhythm though, as well as the last line, so thanks for bringing it to my attention.

When I manage to rewrite it, I'll definitely work in what was said in this thread and edit my initial post.

Deep scarlet red
With petals of velvet
Delicate and soft
Yet colored like blood

Blossoming beauty
With a dangerous streak
Entrancing from
A mere glance

Beware of its thorns
Grip too tightly, they’ll bite
Pierce through the skin
They used to caress

A drip of blood
From the prick of the palm
Colored as the blossom’s
Soft petals

It sings like a hymn
Growls like a beast
Warm as the sun
Dark as the night

A mesmerizing gaze
A clandestine strike
Is the mysterious lure
Of a rose

Gah is right. I need to start thinking more out of the box. ](*,)

Well sorry that this is similar to your poem; it was not intended at all, really! And I'll try working on more non-four-line stanzas as well -- it's not a standard I limit myself to, but now I know to pay more attention to it. *nod*

Thank you for the review!

Cliche because I wrote a poem with all the same-ish lines...
What is with everybody and these 4 line stanzas???
IT'S SO .... Gah.....

.... Gah......

Heh yes, I do believe it is a bit cliche. But trust me, it was a lot more appealing to me than theology notes! ^_^;


Sophie -- You're right, "shade of blood" does seem to fit more fluidly in there. The "clandestine strike" is meant to add to the depth as you said though, being as the rose and its description does symbolize love itself.

Poetriez -- Yeah, you did seem to get beat, but that's okay, I'm glad you liked it anyway.

k3pt -- I see what you mean about the disorganization of the first stanza; it may also be that I didn't make it clear that all the descriptions are referring to the petals of the rose. I suppose I'll need to restructure that part most of all.


Thank you for your compliments and criticisms everyone. More are still welcomed, but I'm glad that it's generally liked so far!

Poetriez wrote:I guess during the time of my posting this i got beat to first place so go figure hahah

Sammi D wrote:Deep scarlet red
With petals of velvet
Delicate and soft
Yet colored like blood

Sammi D wrote:Blossoming beauty
With a dangerous streak
Entrancing from
A mere glance

yay im the frist one to rply on your first peice here i go in was nice i liked it but keep writting

I guess during the time of my posting this i got beat to first place so go figure hahah

Hmm, bit of a cliche but I like the idea.
My favourtie stanza:

Sammi D wrote:A mesmerizing gaze
A clandestine strike
Is the mysterious lure
Of a rose